30 May 2013

Megh Peon-er Bag-er Bhetor Mon Kharap-er Dishta


I woke up today with the sudden and shocking news of Rituparno Ghosh's death. Went to his Indrani Park residence named 'Taasher Ghor'. Walked all the way with his lifeless body from his home to Nandan. He seemed as if he was sleeping peacefully, with even a hint of a smile on his lips.   

I first saw Rituparno Ghosh's "Hirer Angti", part by part, at 'Chhuti-Chhuti' on Doordarshan. I was very young then, but still realized that the film was very different from the other films of that time. Loved the few elements of magic-realism in that film. 

When "Dahan" released, I really wanted to go and watch it at a cinema-hall, but was not allowed from home, because I was only 15 years old then. When I later saw it on cable, I was simply spellbound. Over the years I've watched this film over and over again and each time I've loved it even more. Loved Suchitra Mitra as 'Jhinuk's Thammi'. Still today I believe that this is Ritu da's best film.   

In the 90's, there was a serial titled "Bahanno Episode" directed by Ritu da. I loved it tremendously. Loved the characters played by Shankar Chakraborty and Gargi Roychoudhury. Each episode was very interesting. Loved the title track too sung by Indranil Sen. Shankar Chakraborty's character used to speak in colloquial bengali with everyone else, but used to talk in 'Bangal-bhasha' (Bangladeshi dialect) only while talking with his mother, played by Supriya Devi. I still remember distinctly that Sudeshna Roy's character was kleptomaniac. This serial was very different in look, feel and treatment from the other serials of that time. In those days, bengali serials generally used to consist of 52 episodes.  

Ritu da's film which I first saw in a cinema-hall was "Chokher Bali". I saw it at Priya Cinema. Since then I have seen all his films in a theater. When I first heard the song 'Mathura Nagarpati' from his "Raincoat", I loved that song so much that I had to listen to it day in and day out.  

More than a decade back, I used to regularly watch "Ebong Rituparno" on ETV Bangla. This talk-show was intellectually very stimulating. (Once my First-Love had called me when I was watching a repeat telecast of this show. I was more interested in watching it rather than talking to her. She got very offended. Most probably the singer Nachiketa was the guest on that episode). His recent "Ghosh and Company" on Star Jalsa was also my favourite. Loved the episode which featured Mir and the subsequent controversy. Enjoyed all his telefilms too. I clearly remember two telefilms which featured Roopa Ganguly. Loved his interview at 'Amar Rabindranath' hosted by Ranjan Bandopadhyay at Tara. Only a few days back I was again watching it. 

At the premiere of "The Last Lear" at South City Fame, I was lucky enough to be present there. Before the film began, Ritu Da, Amitabh Bachchan, Arjun Rampal, Jishu Sengupta, Divya Dutta, and others addressed the audience and talked about the film. That was the first time I saw Big B from such a close distance.   

I first went to Ritu da's house in 2009 when I was in Bratya Basu's theatre group. During that time I was working at Sangbad Pratidin. Ritu da's room inside our office was really very well decorated and it reflected his unique taste and style. I was an avid reader of his 'First Person' column at "Robbar" magazine. 

On 1st January 2011, I went to see "Aar Ekti Premer Golpo" at Metro Cinema. A very beautiful film. Loved the song 'Bonomali Tumi, Poro Jonomey Hoiyo Radha'. Though the film was officially directed by Kaushik Ganguly, I felt that it had Ritu da's directorial signature on most of the scenes. Loved the film very much. Want to watch it again very badly. Even a few days back I went to rent some dvds from my favourite shop at Golf-Green and asked for this film. But sadly till today there is no official dvd available in the market. Also while watching Sanjoy Nag's "Memories in March", I again felt Ritu da's brush-strokes in several places and especially in the last scene.  

Have been waiting for the release of his satirical comedy "Sunglass". Eager to see his documentary on Tagore. Haven't seen the Oriya film "Katha Deithilli Ma Ku", which was Ritu da's acting debut film, but now have to search for it and watch it as soon as possible. Only yesterday, I read Arghyakamal Mitra's interview on T2 and was wondering whether Sujoy Ghosh would do justice to the character of Byomkesh Bakshi in the upcoming "Satyanweshi". 

On 31st March this year, I went to watch "Himmatwala" at Navina Cinema with a female friend. After the film we went to Indrani Park, which is just opposite to Navina. I asked her whether she knew where Rituparno Ghosh stays. She said no. Then I took her in front of Ritu da's house. 

Didn't even think then that I would again have to come here within two months on Ritu da's death day. This is a great loss to international cinema. Below is a picture taken by me today at the 'Mukta-Mancha' near Nandan where the LGBT community of Calcutta paid their last tributes to Ritu Da. 

Rituparno Ghosh understood women better than women themselves. He had internalized Rabindranath Tagore and it reflected consciously as well as sub-consciously in all his films. And he knew his Calcutta and Calcuttans inside out. 

In his last released film "Chitrangada", my most favourite scene is where the hospital room changes into the sea-shore and where reality and hallucinations merge together. This is the magic of Cinema. Also waiting for the commercial release of the film "Mumbai Cutting" which comprises of eleven short films by eleven directors. Ritu da's short film was named "Urge". 

Last year there were a series of Anandabazar Patrika ads which featured past and present legends together. Loved the one where Salil Choudhury and Kabir Suman were together. However another one showed Satyajit Ray and Srijit Mukherjee on the same page. I have tremendous love and respect for Srijit da, but I felt then that Rituparno Ghosh deserved more to be in that ad and should have been there in place of Srijit da. 


Megh Peoner Bager Bhetor Mon Kharaper Dishta 
Mon Kharap Holey Kuasha Hoi Byakul Holey Tishta 

Mon Kharaper Khobor Ashey Bon Paharer Deshey 
Choukono Shob Bakshey Jethai Je Mon Thak Shey  
Mon Kharaper Khobor Porey Daroon Bhalobeshey  

Megher Bager Bhetor Map Royeche Megh Peoner Paari
Pakdondi Poth Beye Tar Bagan Ghera Baari 

Bagan Sheshey Sodor Duaar  
Baranda Tey Aaraam Chair

Galchey Pata Bichana Tey Chhotto Roder Phaali 
Shethai Eshey Megh Peoner Somosto Bag Khaali  

Dewal Jurey Chhotto Roder Chhaya Bishalkaay 
Nishpolokey Byakul Chokhey Takiye Achhe Thaay 
Kisher Opekhaay

Roder Choori Chhayar Shorir Katchhey Obiroto 
Roder Buker Bhetor Khoto  

Sei Buker Theke Toop Toop Toop Neel Kuasha Jhorey 
Aar Mon Kharaper Khobor Ashey Akashey Megh Korey 
Sara Akash Jurey 

Megher Deshey Roder Baari Pahar Kinaraai 
Jodi Megh Peoner Daakey Sei Chhayar Hodish Thakey 
Roder Phaali Takiye Thakey Akool Akangkhaai 
Kobey Megher Pithey Ashbey Khobor Baarir Barandai 
Chhotto Bagaan Taai  

Megh Peoner Bager Bhetor Mon Kharaper Dishta 
Mon Kharap Holey Kuasha Hoi Byakul Holey Tishta...

Updated on 2nd July 2013 : Today evening I finally watched Rituparno Ghosh's documentary on Rabindranath Tagore titled "Jibon Smriti" at Weaver's Studio at a special screening... 


26 May 2013

Monochrome to Polychrome and Back


Love is indeed magical. One has to fall in Love to experience its true Power. People live monochromatic lives. Only Love makes life polychromatic. Love fills life with all the colours of the Cosmos. Love is something like Cocaine. Before you take it, you are curious as Hell; and once you do, you are hooked on to it forever. Actually Love is like a Rainbow. When it appears suddenly it seems really magical or magically realist with its colourful splendour and ethereal grandeur. 

This is an imaginary story of two Souls living in Calcutta, more than a decade back. Any resemblance to any person living or dead is purely coincidental. 

It was the beginning of the third millennium. Calcutta had a different kind of beauty in those days and was taking baby-steps towards becoming an A1 City. The City of Joy was joyful then with none of these present flyovers and Shopping Malls, no AC Metro and JNNURM Buses, Park Street was not renamed into Mother Teresa Sarani, Sourav Ganguly became the Captain and the concept of Team-India was shaping up, no Orkut, Facebook, Youtube and Twitter in our daily lives, DD-1 and DD-Metro had accepted defeat in the hands of satellite television, computer courses in schools meant BASIC and PASCAL, internet connections were becoming popular and was beginning to gain speed, ShahRukh, Aamir and Salman were ruling, Zohra Sehgal was in her 90's, audio cassettes were still in use and cds were becoming less expensive, Lighthouse Cinema was still alive with Hollywood blockbusters, South-City Mall and Towers were on the drawing boards and Shreeram Arcade was still cool with those capsule lifts, incoming calls in mobile phones were not free and landline phones were very much in use inspite of being dead for days, Load-Shedding was commonplace, CPM was still in power, and Suman Chattopadhyay was in the process of becoming Kabir Suman. 

Rahul and Shona were very much in Love with each other. They were both young, innocent and carefree. Shona was like the Amelie Poulain of Calcutta. She used to find the greatest pleasures in the simplest things. She never was interested in materialistic stuff. She was a very good listener and always was there for other people's problems. She used to go out of her way to help others. She was selfless and full of compassion. She used to imagine figures out of clouds and play with sunlight coming through the window curtains. She loved Rabindrasangeet and Led Zeppelin simultaneously. She even used to write poetry. Once she wrote a beautiful poem titled Tumi-ee Jwalao, Tumi-ee Poraao. She loved Smiles, Stars and Moonbeams, her favourite books were Fountainhead, The Bridges of Madison County, Only Love and Shesher Kobita; and her most favourite quotation was that Good Things Happen To Good People. 

Rahul and Shona fell in Love without even seeing each other. He got her number from a mutual friend and called her on landline phone just for friendship. Initially Shona refused him, as he was a complete stranger, and was playing hard to get, but Rahul persisted and persuaded her finally to become friends with him. He believed in the saying that strangers are friends whom you have not met yet. They became good friends but slowly he fell in Love with her. Gradually Shona also fell in Love with him. Their Love for each other became so strong that they both felt that they were one Soul residing in two bodies. Six months passed. Still they didn't meet. Shona wanted to meet him badly but Rahul always said no. He deeply feared that she might not like him after seeing him and might stop loving him too. In those days he was very insecure and introvert. He was waiting for the right moment. But Shona couldn't wait any longer. She decided to give him the biggest surprise of his life. 

During Durga Puja she went to Maddox Square with her female friends in the afternoon. She wanted Rahul to come and meet her there. She wanted to spend the Durga Puja days with him. But Rahul said no. He said that they would meet on a later date. He still was not prepared to meet her face to face. So Shona decided to take the initiative. From Maddox Square she took her best friend with her and came straight to Rahul's house. She already had his address from the telephone directory helpline. She searched Rahul's locality for half an hour and finally found his house. She was determined to meet him that day, no matter what. 

Anyways that afternoon Rahul was just lying on the sofa and was watching a cricket match. Suddenly the calling-bell rang. His mother opened the door. And there was Shona with her friend. She introduced herself as Rahul's friend. Rahul's mother called him. When he came downstairs and saw her for the first time, he became speechless. After recovering from the initial pleasant shock, his first thought was that she was so sweet, pretty, bold and also very beautiful. Now Shona had to make up a reason for her arrival in front of his mother. She said that she came to borrow Rahul's Accountancy Book. He immediately went to his room, took out the book and gave it to her without a word. He was still in a state of shock. Even in his wildest dreams he never could have imagined this kind of a scenario in real life. Rahul's mom offered the two girls rosogollas. Shona's friend hesitated a bit, but Shona was feeling completely at home. She was behaving as if she has been coming to this house for many years and was already married to Rahul and a part of his family. Shona was totally cool and composed. She ate her rosogolla slowly with delight and also forced her friend to eat it too. Then she said goodbye to Rahul and his mom and left. Rahul started to slowly recover from this sudden event. His mom said that he should marry this girl in future because no one else would ever Love him more. 

From that day onwards Rahul and Shona started meeting on a regular basis. They went to many places together. Once they went to Ballygunge Shiksha Sadan's fest. That evening was very memorable for them. They had a lovely time. From there they took a cab. Inside the cab they held each other's hands. She kissed him on his right hand and he kissed her on her left cheek for the first time. Later she admitted that the kiss had sent an electric shock throughout her body. 

On 28th December, they planned to meet in front of Menoka CinemaRahul got a bit late, actually more than a bit. When he arrived in front of Menoka, he saw Shona almost on the verge of tears. She thought that he would not come. She thought that he would ditch him. Believe me, she could cry even without a reason at the drop of a hat. Rahul had to comfort her. Then they took a cab and came to Rahul's place. Rahul had bought a new Slam Book. He gave it to her to fill its first page. She started writing on the dotted lines. When she finished, Rahul wanted to read it but she insisted that he should read it later. Whatever she wrote on the Slam Book was so heart-touching or rather soul-touching that Rahul never ever again gave that book to anyone else to fill up the subsequent pages. Even today that Slam Book is still with Rahul with only the first page filled up and the rest of the pages empty. Even after so many years of their break-up, he never found anyone special who was worthy enough to write on that Slam Book

That afternoon Shona had lunch at Rahul's place. After lunch he locked his bedroom from the inside and asked her to come closer to him. She hesitated a bit before coming closer. He kissed her on her lips. They both got mesmerized in themselves after their first lip-lock. Rahul smooched her violently and her lips started to have that burning sensation. She said that they must not proceed further because they were not married yet. Rahul and Shona had a lovely adda too, interrupted only by frequent smooches! After making out throughout the afternoon, they went out in the evening and walked hand in hand towards Deshopriyo Park. From there she took GLS-11 and went back home. 


Shona loved Linda Goodman's Sun-Signs book. But she didn't have her own copy. So Rahul bought one and gave it to her. Rahul was a typical Leo and Shona was the sweet Piscean. Rahul also bought Erich Segal's Love Story, Oliver's Story and Man, Woman and Child as Shona wanted him to read them. She used to read a lot of books. She was also a very good student and used to get very good marks in school. And she was also a very good singer. She loved theatre too and was herself a good actress. 

Once she went to the Calcutta Film Festival and saw a very funny film. Most probably it was a Japanese film. The next day she narrated the story to Rahul which was something like this : 

A Japanese man had a strange medical condition and because of it whenever he passed through any metal detector gate, even in his birthday-suit, the gate would start beeping. He had an affair with a woman. But the woman was sort of a nymphomaniac and was involved with many men. Later she got pregnant and delivered a child. The million dollar question was about the identity of the child's actual father. In the last scene it was revealed that the child could also activate the buzzers of any metal detector gate while passing through it even in a naked state! 

Years after their breakup, Shona acted in a telefilm which Rahul saw at Nandan-1. The telefilm had elements of magic realism in it and Rahul liked it a lot.  

During their affair, Shona once acted in a play at Jadavpur University. The plot of the play was women-centric. All the students performed very well. The play was well directed too. Rahul was amazed at Shona's brilliant performance. In those days there was a Coffee-Joint at Golpark named CAFFEINE. Rahul and Shona used to go there and from there they used to go towards Dhakuria-Lake. Also around that time Cadbury's Chokis were available which was nothing but liquid chocolate. Shona used to love them a lot. The price of one was just two rupees in those days. Rahul used to buy a lot of them and used to put the liquid chocolate to good use. Ahem! 

Once on Rahul's birthday it had rained a lot that morning. Several parts of Calcutta were waterlogged. Still Shona came to Rahul's place braving all the water. She almost had to swim to reach her boyfriend's home. She had made a special birthday card for him. She didn't buy any greetings card from the market as she firmly believed that those commercial cards would not be able to convey her feelings properly. On the cover of the card, she drew the picture herself and decorated it with colours and glitter. Inside she wrote : 

"I am so glad that we share a beautiful relationship, just you and me, for the closeness way down deep that comes with trust and honesty, for the ordinary, everyday, "just-called-to-say" surprises, for promises you keep, and "because-you-love-me" compromises, for "tell-me-all-about-it" time and hugs I get for free, for not having to be anything but the imperfect me, for "I Love you", "I'll be there till the end", I thank God for blessing my life with such a special partner. No matter how much we fight, argue and think about dreaded 'breakups', I know we'll love ourselves till the end; and probably learn to accept things we can't change in ourselves. A happy life is not one filled with only sunshine, but one which uses both light and shadow to produce beauty. So here's wishing you a happy life and a very happy birthday. Love, Shona". 

Once Shona went to Vizag on her school trip. She called Rahul from a phone in Howrah Station to say good-bye. She also made Rahul talk with her classmate. Rahul requested the classmate to take good care of Shona during the trip because he said that she would be the mother of his children in future! Shona's classmate was amazed at this statement.  

Another time she went to Darjeeling, Lava, Lolegaon and Rishop with her family. Rahul missed her a lot during those days when she was out of Calcutta. Without her the city seemed dull, boring and dead to him. Everything seemed meaningless. He missed her a lot. He wanted her to come back as soon as possible. They decided that every night at ten o' clock they would think about each other and give a flying kiss in the air.  

Another time they were talking on the phone. Shona asked him a question about something which yours truly doesn't remember now. Rahul said that he wouldn't answer as it was a secret. Then Shona replied, Thik Achchey, Aamar-o Onek Secret Achchey, Aamee-o Bolbo Naa... 

Once they both went to Loreto College's Fest. That afternoon it rained like there was no tomorrow. They both enjoyed the rainfall together. Rahul loved the monsoons more than anything. Rahul used to miss Shona the most during rainfall. He still does. Even today whenever it rains, Rahul gets depressed and a strange kind of emptiness and sadness engulfs him from within his Soul. He silently stares at the falling rain while his Heart is crying loudly and calling out for Shona to come back to him again

There used to be a Cyber Cafe on Park Street, where today the M3 Music Shop stands. It consisted of two floors. One afternoon Rahul went upstairs to surf the net and found that no one was there. Everyone was surfing below on the ground floor. Since no one was around, it gave him the confidence to open desibaba.com for the first time in his life. He had heard a lot about this site from his friends but had never visited it before. It consisted of some naked pictures of women. Anyways fearing that someone might come upstairs any moment, he closed it. Rahul used to tell Shona everything. Later that evening he told her about the desibaba site over landline phone. She got offended a bit but later on forgave him. He promised her that he would never again open porn sites in his life. 

Shona was a big fan of Shah Rukh Khan and Rahul loved Hrithik Roshan. One night before going to bed Shona was combing her hair and then got lost in her train of thoughts and kept on combing. Her mother remarked, Aaj Ki Swopney Shah Rukh Khan-er Songey Dekha Hobey Naki? 

Once Rahul went to watch Kabhie Khushi Kabhie Gham with his family. The next day he had to narrate the whole story to Shona over the telephone. She became very happy when he said that he loved SRK's performance more than Hrithik Roshan's. Another day Rahul and Shona went to see Devdas at Priya Cinema. Rahul had already seen the film before with his cousins. Shona was watching it for the first time. So she was very much interested in the film while Rahul was interested in other things. Ahem! 

Some special person wrote in her Blog that bengali husbands are more interested in their newspapers than their wives. Rahul loved the smell of the morning newspaper. One morning Shona called up Rahul while he was busy reading The Telegraph, and after some time she felt that he was giving more attention to the newspaper, so she narrated a scene from Saathiya where Rani Mukherjee puts the newspaper on fire and gives it to Vivek Oberoi and says something like, Ye Lo, Garma-Garam Khabar. Hearing this Rahul kept the paper aside and gave Shona his undivided attention. 

Once Rahul had chicken-pox and Shona prayed hard for him to recover quickly. After recovery they met at St. Xavier's College's fest Xavotsav. That afternoon Rahul bought a Kodak KB-10 camera from Park Street to capture their evening's moments together. Rahul still has that camera and all the snaps taken from that evening. Even today whenever he misses her a lot, he takes a look at those pictures and remembers those happy lovely days. 

Another time they were supposed to meet in front of Jugal's opposite Priya Cinema. As usual Rahul was a bit late. Again Shona was almost on the verge of tears. On another winter afternoon, they met in front of British Council. Shona was wearing a big red jacket with a hood. She looked exactly like Red Riding Hood. Sometimes she used to wear a white half-shirt which Rahul loved a lot. Shona used to look like an angel in that white shirt. The last time they met at Jadavpur University during their break-up, she was wearing this particular white half-shirt. 

In those days, Rahul had a massive crush on Aishwarya Rai. And Shona used to get very offended by this. Rahul had a poster of Devdas' Paro in his room and many times Shona tried to tear it down. She used to make fun of Ash's acting skills and her hindi accent. Sometimes Rahul would agree with her and that made Shona very happy. Here is that poster which Rahul had on his wall in those days : 

Rahul first smoked a cigarette in Class IX but started smoking regularly from Class XI. He was then doing his H.S. from St. Xavier's College and in those days smoking was allowed inside Arun da's Canteen. Shona used to ask him not to smoke. She used to ask him almost daily Kota cigarette kheyechho aaj? Rahul used to give her the correct number always. Sometimes she used to get angry and then used to say, I don't want to kiss an ashtray anymore

They used to have their little quarrels, misunderstandings and fights. But Shona was such a darling and a sweetheart that she used to always call back and apologise, even when it was Rahul's fault. Once they had a quarrel outside the back-gate of St. Xavier's and Rahul said Good Bye and started walking fast towards the Maidan Metro Station. After some time Shona realized her mistake and started walking very fast to catch up with Rahul. She walked almost blindly without caring for the traffic. She could have met with an accident on that afternoon. 

On the next year's Durga Puja, they met at Maddox Square. Shona was wearing a sari and she was looking as the most beautiful woman on Earth. Still Rahul wanted to pull her leg and thus started appreciating the other beautiful women around. Shona got very jealous and offended. There were a lot of very sweet children with their parents. Rahul and Shona used to salivate at cute babies! They both loved children a lot. Shona used to go and play with them. She always had a childlike quality in her.  

Now I must write about that magical bus named GLS-11. Rahul and Shona used to sit together and hold hands at the second last seat. They talked mostly through their eyes. When the bus used to get too crowded then they used to cover their hands with their college bags. While walking side by side, their hands would automatically find each other's fingers like an unwritten commandment. Rahul was quite tall and Shona was of average height. She used to defend her height by saying that, All Good Things come in Small PackagesOnce they were walking together at Rabindra Sarovar Lake and someone remarked, Oi Dekh, Amitabh Bachchan Aar Jaya Bachchan Jachchey. Shona got very embarrassed. 

Rahul got very good marks at his Higher Secondary Exams and it was only because of Shona's prayers. At that time Rahul was preparing for the Calcutta University Law exam and Shona gave him a book to help him. He passed with flying colours and his name was in the top five list. Rahul still goes through this book and stares at Shona's name on the first page in her own handwriting. She had a beautiful handwriting and Rahul simply loved it a lot.   

When Rahul and Shona were truly, madly, deeply, hopelessly and helplessly in Love, they used to feel that their Souls were already married to each other. They even decided to name their future son Akash and their future daughter Brishti. They even thought about their future children's nicknames. Years later after their breakup, Rahul fell in Love with the song Hey Shona from the film Ta Ra Rum Pum. He liked the movie very much. He created a video in Windows Movie-Maker with only Shona's pictures and this song playing in the background. Whenever he misses her too much, he watches this video. 

Just a few days before their breakup, Rahul went to meet Shona at Jadavpur University's fest Sanskriti. That evening Krosswindz performed at O.A.T. Just a few days after this fest, they broke-up forever because of some stupid misunderstandings. After their breakup both went through tremendous pain and heartache. But gradually Shona successfully moved on with her life. Sadly, Rahul couldn't do it and got emotionally stuck in that zone forever. The fact that he couldn't emotionally move on from that zone totally destroyed and devastated his life. Still today when he walks alone he feels like Shona is also walking alongside him holding his hand. Still today whenever he goes in front of Menoka Cinema, or Jugal's, or inside Rabindra Sarobar Lake, a strange kind of sadness, depression and emptiness engulfs his soul from within. He desperately tries to overcome this emotion but fails badly at it. No matter how hard he tries, it seems that the strange pain inside his heart is sinking within itself. 

Ten years later Rahul again went to JU's Sanskriti. This year the Pakistani band Raeth performed. JU has changed a lot over the years. Moni-da's canteen has lost its charm. Milon-da's old and dilapidated canteen is now cool and snazzy. The once upon a time famous bridge over the lake in front of the English Department is now in a very bad state. That bridge has been closed for many years now. Today that bridge somewhat symbolizes Rahul and Shona's love story. Today whenever he enters JU from Gate No. 4, the very sight of that old half-broken bridge makes him sad and silent tears appear in his eyes. 

Rahul and Shona both had their email accounts at rediffmail. In those days, rediff was a really happening website. Rahul had given his password to Shona. When they broke up, Shona did a very cruel thing. She permanently deleted all their emails of the past two years from Rahul's rediff account. Now Rahul had great emotional attachments to these emails. Even today he loves to read decade-old emails just for the sake of nostalgia and this really brings tears to his eyes. The emails that were deleted forever by Shona was like a huge blow to Rahul. He still misses those words in those emails. He never thought that Shona would ever do such a heartless thing. 

The main reason for their breakup was that Shona suspected that Rahul was two-timing her, which was not at all true, and since Rahul was totally innocent, he didn't feel like explaining anything or clarifying her doubts. When he finally did, by then it was too late. For the record, it is hundred percent true that Rahul didn't even touch another girl during the two years when he and Shona were together. One cannot clap with one hand. Both had their own faults and shortcomings. Both made mistakes. Even after the breakup, Rahul tried hard to bring her back in his life. But she bluntly refused saying that she has moved on. And this is absolutely true for everybody, a half-truth told with a bad intent can any day beat all lies that you can invent.  

After a decade of their breakup, last year Shona got married to someone else on Rahul's birthday. That day he didn't celebrate his birthday. There was no birthday cake or birthday party. His relatives wanted to come over and celebrate, but he flatly refused all. That day he went to Jadavpur University for the launch of a book on Kabir Suman. After the launch he quietly walked around the campus alone. Over the last decade, Shona was always on Rahul's mind every single day and night. He always kept his mobile phone switched on throughout the day and night, hoping against hope that Shona might give him a ring anytime. Rahul is very bad at remembering names and numbers, but Shona's old landline number is still on Rahul's fingertips even today. He always thought that even after their breakup, they could have kept their friendship alive. 

In hindsight, maybe, whatever happened was entirely because of Rahul's fault. He was a very bad boy and in those days was ill-behaved, arrogant, obnoxious, dominating, selfish, demented, hot-headed and bad-tempered. Hope Shona has forgiven him by now. Today he only wishes and prays for all the happiness and pleasures of the universe for Shona. Maybe in some other life they will again fall in Love and then live happily ever after... 

Notojanu Hoyechilam Tokhono 
Ekhono Jemon Achhi 
Madhukori Hao Noyonomohini 
Swopner Kachhakachhi 
ThoNtey ThoNt Rekhey Baricade Koro 
Premer Podyotaai 
Bidroho Aar Chumur Dibbi 
Sudhu Tomakey Chai... 

Some Burning Ashes for a Burning Heart...

And finally Good Bye My Love : 

P.S. : Kabir Suman had once said - Sunil Ganguly-r distey distey lekha, Koto Kobi morey gelo Chupi Chupi Eka Eka. Rahul is a big fan of one such budding poet who belongs to the non-Sunil Ganguly category. His name is Raj Gaurav Debnath. This poet wrote a poem titled SUKANYA around 2004. Rahul liked that poem very much. Here it is: 

P.P.S. : Still today every year on Shona's birthday Rahul updates his Facebook Cover Picture with the following pic. He really feels like calling her up and wishing her. But then he thinks that Shona might get angry or something and therefore he stops himself from wishing her on her birthday. Even on his own birthday he still waits and hopes against hope for a wish from Shona. The year that they broke up, Shona did not wish him. But the following year she herself called him in the morning and wished him. But after that day she never ever called him again. Still today Rahul waits for her call on his birthday.   

P.P.P.S. : Rahul still believes that one day in the near or distant future Shona will again contact him. He still believes that a day will surely come when suddenly Shona will again come to his house to give him a pleasant surprise. He still believes that before he dies in this life, he will again surely meet Shona, someday, somewhere and somehow...