27 February 2013



I usually don't cry. I am the sort of Man who doesn't even give a DAMN, but having said that, sometimes uncontrollable TEARS roll down just like that. I cannot help it as no matter how hard I try to fight back, these TEARS simply won't listen to any logic or explanation.

Here are some of the recent, and not too recent, times when TEARS appeared in my eyes :

When I was watching Jon Amiel's film "Creation", in one scene, Charles Darwin, played by Paul Bettany, goes into the hotel room and sits on the bed where his daughter Annie had died and starts crying alone. Again in another particular scene where the young orangutan Jenny, who is brought from Borneo to the London Zoo, dies quietly on the lap of her keeper. When the person tries to comfort her, the animal says as if through her eyes, "thats so kind of you". Watch this beautiful film and these two scenes especially.

When surfing through Youtube and watching old Doordarshan ads, videos and serials, I was in a very happy mood but suddenly this particular link made my tear-ducts overflow instantly.

When I was watching this very funny film "Throw Momma from the Train", in one scene Danny DeVito shows off his coin-collection to Billy Crystal. But they are just plain ordinary coins with no historic value or anything special about them. When Billy points that out, Danny says that each coin reminds him about time spent with his father in his childhood, when his Dad let him keep the change. His father is no longer there but the coins are.

When my First-Love was living in Delhi and coughing up blood and wrote about that in her Blog. I felt helpless as I couldn't comfort her in any way. I wanted to give her a tight hug, but she was so far away. Though she needed that hug very badly then.

When my pet cat Jerry was bitten by a dog, with blood allover and looked as if he would die. The way he looked deep in my eyes and curled up on my lap as if saying that this could be the last time together. Imagine the amount of pain and trauma that my little Jerry had to go through in this near-death incident. Khub Kosto Hoyechhilo Amar Sona Jerry-tar. By God's mercy and the doctor's help we could cure him completely and now he is fine and healthy. Here is a picture of Jerry's wound. 

When last year during the Durga Puja, everybody was having a blast and enjoying to the fullest, there was a documentary shown on Channel 10 titled "Ora Thakey Oparaai" about the lives of the sex-workers of the various red-light areas in Calcutta. In one particular scene a middle-aged sex-worker reminisces that as a child she had asked for a gift from her poor father during the Durga Puja season after her father had bought a gift for her younger brother. In reply her father had slapped her hard. Later her apologetic father comforted her by putting his hand on her head and telling her that she was now big enough to realise that he couldn't afford it but her younger brother was still small enough to differentiate between affluence and poverty. 

When someone whom I loved, trusted and respected suddenly behaved as if I was a complete stranger.

When during one monsoon season I bought a raincoat from Esplanade for an old street-hawker in our locality and upon receiving the gift, the man started crying. Seeing him cry made my eyes moist.

When I entered my old St. Xavier's College after many years and went to the top floor and stood near the railings and was looking down at our huge playground below and suddenly met my favourite staff-member Srikanto da.

When one night after many years I was once again listening to Anjan Dutta's "Priyo Bondhu" and it was raining outside and then starts the last part of the album "Hoteo Paarey Amader Ei Gaan Keu Rakhbey Na Mone Korey..."

When in a Kabir Suman live performance at Kala Mandir, the singer had called upon the stage his old friend and made him sit beside him while he sang. After some time that old man left the stage but couldn't control his tears, nor could I.

When I had completely forgotten a song for years and then suddenly one fine winter afternoon the lyrics cropped up automatically from the deep recesses of my brain and reminded me of the long-lost innocence of childhood.

"Chhutir Pakhi-ta Chhot-Fot Korey Roj 
 Khachhai Bondi Palatey Paarey Na Tai 
 Dana-Pani Taakey Jotoi Dao Na Tumi 
 Pakhir Kintu Chhutir Aakash Chai..."

and then these two stanzas : 

"Bochhor Tirish Chakri-Bakri Korey 
 Kamal-er Jethhu Nichchen Oboshor 
 Doordarshan-ey Dekhchhen Chhuti-Chhuti 
 Peyechhen Chhuti Onek Bochhor Por 

 Mone Porey tNar Aar Ek Joner Kotha 

 Dhitang-Dhitang Boler Chhondey Surey 
 Chhotalen Tini Gaaner Ojosrota 
 Kata Chhilo tNar Ticket Onek Durey..."

and especially this last line made me weep silently. 

When one night I was reading very old e-mails, g-talk and yahoo chats and then searched my room thoroughly to discover a hand-made greeting-card which someone special had gifted me almost a decade back as she believed that any other card available in the market wouldn't be able to convey her feelings properly. 

When suddenly searching for www.lakecards.com after more than a decade and finding that a particular lake-card still exists in their collection, an e-card which had tremendous importance at one point of time in my life. Below is the image of that card.

When in a bad dream I was totally engulfed in a never-before-felt-heavier-than-death wave of sadness. 

And when today morning I spoke to someone after quite some time but the saddest part is that this could be the last time we interacted forever. We both are going to die oneday, one of us will die before the other, but we will never cross eachother's paths ever again in the remaining years of our lives...


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